Toy Solider
by Adorelo
Summary: And suddenly I feel like a damn toy solider. I don’t feel real; like a toy, manipulated and played with, easily destroyed.


_AN: This is my very late and rushed entry to the Talk:CSI EC Christmas Challenge. I hope you enjoy it!_

_ETA: Now edited. _

* * *

"Eric!" I hear a loud voice echoing down the corridor. Valera. Oh boy, she must want something. I turn to face her, smiling brightly. "Could you do me a massive favor?"

I laugh quietly, my suspicions confirmed. "Yeah, sure," I reply. "What is it?"

"I've finally convinced Horatio to let me host the Christmas Party in the break room, but I need some more supplies."

"And you want me to get said supplies?" I ask, feigning bewilderment. I'm really in the Christmas spirit today.

"If you could?" she asks, handing me a short list.

"No problem. I have to go get some more gifts anyway," I agree, glancing over the list she's just handed me.

"Typical man, leave everything to the last moment," she quips, moving to read over my shoulder. "So that's mistletoe, cups, glitter glue and paper plates, okay? I'll get the food and stuff later today, just before the party, so it's still fresh."

"Okay, when is it? And do you have a dress code?"

"Tonight; arrive at eight. Oh, and the dress code is the best part. You have to come in costume. Anything Christmassy," she giggles, her voice high with excitement.

"Jeeze, you've not given us much time on the costume front," I complain. "What do you expect me to come as?"

"Be creative, Eric. Dress all in gold and be a bauble." Helpful. She smiles, suppressing laughter at the obvious disdain on my face. "I'll catch you later."

"Yeah," I mumble, my mind brewing over the possible costume ideas.

--

"Calleigh?" Valera asks, causing me to pop out from behind the metal screen. I've been analysing bullet striations for the best part of four hours, and my neck cringes when I move.

"Yeah?" I ask. "Don't tell me you have more work for me, because I swear I'll -"

"No, no." She cuts me off quickly, raising her hand to stop my rants. "I just want you to help me decorate the break room."

"Oh, Horatio approved your party?" I question, reviving a thumbs up in return. "What are you going as?"

"Yeah; he said as long as I clean up after, I can do what I want. And I'm going as the fairy off the tree," she chuckles, grabbing my arm and pulling me towards the door. "Now, crime can wait; we have tinsel to put up!"

I laugh softly, the excitement in Valera's eyes getting me in the Christmas spirit. As we enter the break room, I see she has also enlisted Claudia to assist us. She is currently balancing on an upturned bucket, climbing onto the cabinet to reach the ceiling from which she was hanging branches of mistletoe. I'm handed a reel of tinsel and told to move towards the back of the room, ready to hang it from the walls.

By the time I have finished my section, the room looks significantly more Christmassy. I smile, enjoying the comfort I get from the Christmas decorations. I never had this as a child. Christmas was always a time to be over-looked, or embellished past the point of pretty lights. It was a time of 'lets see who can by the most expensive gift, the most extravagant wrapping, the most money splashed about'. It was never about family and love.

"I like it," I hear Valera speak from behind me. I turn, plastering a bright smile on my face as I do so. "You should go get changed, I'll finish up when Eric gets back."

"Okay, I'll just finish some notes though. Are you gonna have time to change?"

"Sure, I've brought it with me," she replies, smiling at me. "Don't stay too long."

--

I hand Valera the items from the list, feeling sufficiently satisfied with myself. I managed to battle the last second Christmas shoppers, buy the goods, and make it out of the mall without being trampled.

"Looks really Christmassy in here, Max," I comment. "I like it."

"Thanks, how's the costume hunting going?"

"Done. But I ran into Ryan, he's having a bit of trouble."

"Don't you worry about him; I've got him sorted."

"Why am I suddenly worried?" I quip, gathering my things and heading out of the door.

I see Calleigh drive out of the building just before I do. It doesn't matter if I see her or not, my drives home from work are always filled with thought of her. I wonder what she'll come to the party as and find myself blushing at the images that run through my head. My thoughts are typical, but, for some reason, I find myself feeling guilty for thinking about her like that. Must be the Catholic in me.

I shower at home, thinking about my costume. I inwardly hope everyone will be dressed as embarrassingly as I will be; in fact, part of me doesn't even want to show up in it. But I promised Valera and I can't break that promise. Damn Catholicism.

The party is in full swing by the time I arrive. I keep pulling nervously on my clothes that seem curiously tight. Maybe I just need some alcohol. Once inside, I walk straight to the punch bowl, not even stopping to say hello to anyone. Alcohol first - I need the confidence.

"Feel as silly as I do, huh?" I turn around to see a radiant Calleigh standing before me. She's all dressed in white and, around the edges of her clothes, she has attached white fluff. "What are you supposed to be?"

I take a moment to answer, having to regroup my thoughts and focus on her words rather than her body; once again, that painful blush creeps across my cheeks. "I'm a toy solider," I reply, and she shoots me a questioning glance. "Didn't you ever see 'The Nutcracker'?"

"Oh, I get it," she chuckles softly, allowing her eyes to rake over my costume. My body. The flush that covers my face has little to do with embarrassment.

"And you are?"

"A snowball!" she relies, a little indignantly, as though I should know exactly what she is. I follow her lead, letting my eyes travel down her body, pretending to focus on the materials and not the way they clung to her every curve. I have to do a double take at her bare legs, elongated by a white skirt adorned with fluff and a pair of sky-high white stilettos.

"I see," I manage to squeak out and I hand her a glass of punch, needing to do something to distract myself from the piercing rays of her smoky eyes.

"No, no, no!" We both break eye contract, turning to see Ryan pulling at the green top he is wearing. "I am not wearing this, Valera. I'm not!"

"Oh, for goodness sake! It's a costume," Valera tries, removing Ryan's hands from the clothes, giving us a full view of his outfit.

Calleigh bursts into giggles, and I struggle not to do the same. Ryan Wolfe, in all his glory, is standing before us in a little elf costume. Green and red glitter adorns his waistcoat and candy cane patterns break up the green of the shorts. It really is an amusing sight and Calleigh's laughter finally catches his attention.

"See. See! Everyone is laughing at me. Will you just let me change into -?"

"No!" Valera cuts him off. "I got you this and this is my party. You'll wear what you're told to wear."

"Yeah, Wolfe. Stop being so cranky," I agree, encouraging Calleigh's laughter, which she has just about got under control.

Ryan finally settles down, giving up on his fight with Valera. She smiles, clearly please with her win and looks around the room. "Now, where's Alexx? She said she'd open the karaoke."

Within moments, Alexx's voice was filing the room; a soft rendition of 'All I want for Christmas' had many of the guests swaying and Cooper, dressed as a reindeer, doing a solo jig in the middle of the make-shift dance floor that had been created.

"How many has he had?" I ask Calleigh, receiving a warm smile in return. It's not often I get to see that smile, especially recently. But she seems really happy tonight.

"Too many," she replies. "Alexx told me she lots count after the first seven margaritas."

"Ouch, he's gonna suffer tomorrow."

"I think he already is," Calleigh comments, watching as two lab-techs from the night shift prop Cooper up and move him off the dance floor. She shakes her head. "He needs hot water, aspirin and some dry food."

I smile sadly, thinking how unfair it is that she knows how to rattle this off. Her knowledge didn't come from her own hardcore drinking days, but her parents. But, as usual, her brief sadness is brushed off with a smile. A beautiful smile.

"It's hot in here," she states, gesturing towards to door with her head, "I'm gonna stand outside for a moment." She places her cup down and turns to the door. Naturally, I have to follow.

The corridor is cooler, the glass of the tinted windows feeling cold against my back as I mirror her relaxed position, leaning against the wall.

I reach up my hand, moving a stray lock of hair of her shoulder, exposing the milky white skin visible around the straps of her top. I watch her skin pucker with gooseflesh and I'm suddenly over come with the need to tell her the things that have been running though my mind. "Calleigh, you, um… you look beautiful tonight."

"Thanks Eric," she smiles brightly, and it irritates me that she doesn't get it. She thinks it's just a friendly complement, she doesn't realize how deeply I feel it.

"No, Calleigh." My intense tone catches her attention and she shoots her eyes up to meet mine. I grab her hand, locking my fingers with hers. "You look really beautiful."

She doesn't reply. Just breaks eye contact and studies the carpet, her hand falling limp in mine. She's fighting; she doesn't want to accept the reality of what I am suggesting. "Cal?"

"Thanks Eric," she repeats, though her tone is anything but light now. Her eyes never meet mine as she pulls her hand away from me and takes a step back. I can't let her pull away, if I do, we may never get what we have back. I grab her newly released hand and pull her against me in a soft, cradling embrace. I nuzzle into her hair, breathing in her sent for a moment before relaxing my arms, but she makes attempt to move away. Her arms are still loosely around my waist; her face is still pressed against my chest.

Her face tilts and her eyes meet mine. I see an unbelievable amount of sadness there, and it pains me to think of her anguish. She speaks suddenly, breaking the silence between us. It's funny; I'd forgotten the crowd of people in the next room. I've not thought about them, not since her body pressed against mine.

"Eric," she whispers, shaking her head softly. "We can't."

And 'we can't' just became the phrase destined to break my heart. By saying 'we can't' she was pulling away, she was ending it before it began. "Calleigh," I plead. "Don't-"

I'm cut off by her sad smile and her barely audible voice, "I love you, Eric, I really do. But we can't do this. It's too hard."

She doesn't even give me a chance to reply, just reaches up on her tiptoes, one hand still on my chest and places a soft, almost longing kiss onto my lips. And I'm lost. My hands find her hair, and I'm pulling her closer. She lefts me, briefly, before she pulls back, her lower lip caught between her teeth. "Merry Christmas, Eric," she murmurs, dropping her hand and taking a step away from me. She glances back only once, letting a ghost of a smile flit across her face as she waves a little to the crowd on the other side of the glass before she turns, and steps into the waiting elevator. And suddenly I feel like a damn toy solider. I don't feel real, but like a toy, manipulated and played with; easily destroyed.

I shut me eyes, refusing to let my tears fall. I won't cry. You cry for loss and I have not lost her yet. I won't give up on this. I wipe a hand over my face, pick up my cup that was balancing on the metal rims around the side of the corridor, and take a long drink before throwing it away. I wave a quick goodbye to Wolfe through the window and follow in the footsteps of my destiny.

--

_**End. **_

_I had to include:_

_Someone climbs on something (not a ladder) - check_

_Glitter glue - check_

_Someone singing 'all I want for Christmas' - check_

_A post margarita headache - check_

_A cranky elf - check_

_Happy Holidays everyone!_


End file.
